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heatsick

by dietz

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1.
and if you want it you can come and get it i’ve got the yips but i call myself a contact hitter he likes to have something to call himself he’s got a favorite brand of cigarettes if he did something god or google couldn’t predict then we’d all just fall to the floor but he knows it’s okay he knows that we know and he says don’t think fuck off you’ll make it sorry, staredown don’t fake it i’ve got this skin and you know i’ve gotta shed it i’ve got the yips but i call myself a contact hitter
2.
pinnacle 03:03
i walked out once into a plane and i said to myself ‘i wouldn’t be surprised if this all meant something else’ there shouted down no holy voice i was met with icy stares so i just noted down what was there i lie in bed awake at night abreast the rocky plain shouting the eternal and i look for your new name i saw a man besides me once and reached out for his wares and then i realized he wasn’t there and i have reached the pinnacle every time i lie awake and i hope that you’re not and if you are kept from sleep by some ghastly parable did you learn the truth of it? or are you just counting stars? and if i ever fall asleep please promise not to tell how i never dream i never see my glassy eyes can’t smell there’s hardly time enough to think it isn’t really fair so i’ll keep noting down just what was there i’ll move out to the landfill strewn with such familiar waste and some day soon i’ll greet you with an unfamiliar face i’ll rhapsodize and prophesy about the world that we all share and hope you realize that it’s not there and i have reached the pinnacle every time i fall asleep and i hope that you’re not and if you ever learn the truth about that stupid parable it’s only in your head so i hope you don’t feel that smart
3.
heatsick 05:41
you can be heatsick if you wanna you can drive around with no a/c just to prove you can just to sweat a little you can drive all night if you wanna turn the music up so loud the neighbors cuss you out you can run away if you wanna if it’s only for a day you can go real far away where the gas pumps are still quiet slack-jawed at a pallet of bricks in the sweet summer heat wouldn’t this be great weather to die in?
4.
he’s got a knack for navigating just watch him echolocate floats around the party without bouncing off the walls he often thinks he has a lot to say but these days he’s changed his mind lie around and try to figure out how best to waste her time no better way to feel like a kid than to have one thing bothering you all the time try to find the shape of yourself but know it’s never right it’s hard for him to feel dynamic these days he’s like a kid with a tripod at the train tracks if i’m the one doing the watching who on earth will be watching me? he’s got a habit of keeping habits and sleeping in on weekdays tells us all he’ll move to south dakota but we know he’ll just get cold and come back
5.
mug night 01:57
don’t say my name i’ll come around i’ll pay and pay don’t let me down i’ll lift that weight i’ll think too hard i’ll soar away i’ll fall back down
6.
never been one for self-control don’t you think that’s fine? self-improvement is a fucking hack and it isn’t worth my time so i’m lying around just chasing a high that i know i’ll never get everybody’s yelling at me through the phone and this is what they said ‘if you don’t wanna live on top of the world you might as well drop dead if you only wanna live so you can scream and shout then you’re not trying to get ahead’ you’re in an office at a standing desk with an abundance of spreadsheets and a keurig machine i’m in my fourth bedroom this month there’s a wooden fish it’s staring at me but i know it’s not real i know there’s a doe in my backyard i’ve got a fever of one hundred and two she’s lying in the tall grass and i don’t know how this ends
7.
i stood up and was angered by perspective there’s only one point of view and it’s right between my eyes i sat down and i wondered what you’re thinking lately i’m not thinking anything unless i’m going for a drive i went out and i stumbled ‘cross your yard waste we know so much of how life goes so why should we even try i wanna live alone and not know anything outside my home i wanna live outside and not know anything about my bones i woke up and saw him move into the corner mirages of selflessness made me happy once again so you can have my curated ramblings you can have the things i want you to have you can have me for the totality of a moment you can have the things that i want you to have i’ll be there and i’ll bring handfuls of useless shit like rotted leaves and my collection of lithium ion batteries promo CDs and frozen meals i’ll be there swirl me in out of your dreams i’m plasticine i’m mercury i’m right there so make believe that i believe in anything
8.
i took a train the other day i’m not quite sure where i was bound i’ll take it back tomorrow but i’m not sure that i’ll be around and on that train i met a man we barely said a single word thank god i never caught his name it’s way too much it’s too obscured she sits around and talks all day but she’s won’t say that much at all when he left i stared outside while listening to who knows what i knew the trees meant nothing cause my eyes were cold my mouth was shut you do the disembarkment dance and try your best to look real cool but you stumble not quite falling it’s terrible the world’s so cruel she sits around and talks all day but she’s won’t say that much at all you’ve got a home that’s done enough it’s just a place it’s just a place you’ve got a home that’s done enough it’s not your face it’s not your face she sits around and talks all day but she’s won’t say that much at all she sits around and talks all day but when they go quiet she hits the wall
9.
there’s a bike that’s toppled over in the field behind your house and i say, ‘you gotta pick it up at some point,’ and you say, ‘i’ll get to it at some point.’ and when you came over yesterday, i had to prove what i could do there’s nothing that i wanted more than a chance to see it through and you’ll say nothing and i’ll say nothing all the clothes are puddles now in piles at your feet and i say, ‘you gotta pick it up at some point,’ and you say, ‘i’ll get to it at some point.’ everything that’s hard enough is something i can do but all the little things i keep putting off i just can’t get through and you’ll say nothing and i’ll say nothing and i walked down across the riverbank to see if anything was new i felt numb and you said i’d be a fool to think of anyone but you and i walked -
10.
birch beer 02:24
they’re mowing the vacant lot right across from the law school again and the stop light’s broke and the sewer’s repaired and they’re paving our street maybe after i’m dead the a/c just ate shit inflatable pool again cold running hose cold soda cat sweat through the sheets not coming back

about

recorded sporadically between may 2022 and february 2024, in
bedrooms in wilmington, de;
kennett square, pa;
and williamsburg, va;
an apartment in washington, dc;
and the meridian coffeehouse.

credits

released April 5, 2024

all music and lyrics written by john dietz
bass guitar on tracks 3 & 4 performed by abby mendez
banjo on track 4 performed by abby mendez
cover art by van monday

special thanks to the following:
janelle krupicka,
van monday,
abby mendez,
morgan woodfall,
barrett smith,
logan wolf,
soph asenso,
and the meridian coffeehouse.

license

all rights reserved

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about

dietz Williamsburg, Virginia

dietz is the music project of john dietz.
sometimes they play their songs with a band called dietz & the dilemmas

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